For some strange inexplicable reason, I've been attracting 21 year olds, I don't know why this phenomenon has occurred. I haven't had this many young ones in a row, ever. Not even when I was 21, it's strange that the reverse has happened.
Long time ago, I pined for my peers. I also didn't know that I was into boys, I told myself constantly and with much forthright self righteous vindication that I wanted to find love - with a girl. That a girl was it for me.
Now as I'm 27, I'm finding other bedeviled boys to play with.
Yes I am wiser and can speak my mind, yet other then more life experience, I'm still the same person. Just different insecurities and a lot more questions. It's odd, reminding myself that I was young once. Last night I slept with a boy, that couldn't really tell me what he wanted. He only looked at me, standing there naked, he was blond perfect and wholesome.
I look at myself in pictures, he looked like me when I was younger, I also couldn't tell people what I wanted, what I needed. I don't mean just in bed, with a partner. I mean generally. Earlier in the evening, we talked about his cell phone carrier a lot. I found it thoroughly uninteresting. Yet I listened just to watch him avoid eye contact, yet as I looked away he instantly reveled his blue eyes, he was searching to see if I liked him, I could tell this, because when I was 21 I had the same questions.
Part of my interest in younger guys, recently, okay often. Is finding a muse. Someone that is different. I find myself staring at pages and unable to write yet again. Writing serious work in any case. My play is going to go into production for November, the details are being work out right now. We're on the mad hunt for a director. I'm anxious and hope that I've learned a lot from my previous attempts at team building. Now. I just find these guys, just starting to question the world - a shadow of my former self. That is, still scared of the world, looking for answers - yet in much need of love and caring.
Not long ago I was their age. Maybe I want to remember it in an idealistic sense. Maybe I'm hoping for a spry young one to jolt me out of my doldrum. I don't know, I don't have the answer, maybe when I'm older I'll know.
God, twenty-one was an interesting age, wasn't it? I think I'm happier now, though. But I do miss the innocence.
Posted by: eric a | August 19, 2006 at 09:02 AM
Hm, I'm still on my way to approach 21. Should it be different? I do have to say that I enjoy my not understanding the world. Or, let me put it that way: I know to some extend how the world works. Yet I'm still in the age where I'm allowed to be oblivious about it. So, why not use it?
Posted by: Kiks | August 19, 2006 at 06:38 PM
It just keeps happening. I am 38, and the last 4 guys I have met are all 29. I just can't stop attracting 29 year olds. I feel like a Daddy. Nevertheless, I learn something from each of them, whether it is a true insight, or just lessons on what not to do about hygiene. Be well and keep on writing.
Posted by: Vidi Vici Veni | August 27, 2006 at 05:00 PM
oh my gooddd!!!
youre 27.....damn man...........but you look so hot and muscular and young and aaahhhh aaaaahh oohhh yesss oh yea aaah aaahhmmmmmhhhh oooo
Posted by: Lujeanne Rachjied | September 10, 2006 at 09:57 AM
I didn't realize 27 was supposed to be considered old and aged. Being 22, I don't just walk, but RUN far away from trying to date my peers since they want everything to be "plain and normal." Sigh, how can you give something that doesn't exist?
You know, I stumbled upon your blog quite by accident, but I kind of like what you have to say. I may be back. Keep up the swell work.
Posted by: R. | October 13, 2006 at 10:29 AM