I’ve been taking a grant writing workshop. It’s strange the need to identify myself as gay, right off the bat. We needed to go around the room, mention our names and the project we’re working on. I mean all my grant writing work is to support my body of art. Which is gay literary fiction. So yeah. That’s what I write. I also had a few – very straight boys in the room - insecure and fragile in their sexuality as well. Which caused me pause. Not since high school have I felt so odd with men in a room giving me side way stares.
During the final grant session I needed to use the WC. One of the boys, refused to make eye contact with me during the entire session.
It's one of those office bathrooms, you need to ask the code before using the facilities. No one really remembers it. So yes, I asked for the code. The minute I did. I noticed the odd delay; the boy, he's a married actor. His wife is actually there. In the room. I mean, a long time ago. I found reluctance and insecurity tied too self. So yes - I felt him linger and decide to wait until I bolted for the mens room.
Sure enough. I get to the WC first. Another straight boy follows and is very careful not to make eye contact and plays with his phone. He also makes sure to cover himself, appropriately, like I'm going to pounce or something. In truth, neither one is really my type and I'm really not interested. I'm just curious, as I often am, by peoples reaction.
The guy that feigns the linger, shortly enters as I wash up, he enters the bathroom, funny thing is. The two of them start to loosen up. Like girls joined in comrodory. Okay, maybe not girls, they are butch men after all, using a very straight bathroom. Yet they make eye contact while peeing and I'm washing my hands pretending to be oblivious. I leave not wanting to interrupt their bonding experience. This is when I make a phone call and stay in the hall, quite far away from the lue. Strange thing is, they both leave the restroom together, they both have a sense of relief. Not that I'm paranoid or anything, yet I'm all to familiar with the look. Like I said from my insecure days in High School.
We enter back into the workshop, everyone sits and becomes quiet. I find the experience thoroughly odd.
The strangest thing about this is the fact that this is New York City you're talking about. If it were Peoria, well then I would understand running across straight boys who are unaccustomed to out gay men. But New York City???!!! What rock are they living under?
Posted by: Briand | March 13, 2006 at 07:36 PM