The Sloppy Drunk

So I decided to share my two worst dates with the Blog. I'm running the second one on Wednesday. This date happened a few years ago, since then I hope I've grown, yet I will never be able to forget it.

I met him at Stonewall, which should have been my first indication. He calls me up a week later to hang out, we schedule a time and place, he calls and makes an excuse not to meet. This happens two more times. Finally I call him out, if he cancels one more time I'm deleting his number. He shows up to the date, half an hour late.

I use the words, "show up" loosely. Because I finally see him walking, well stumbling down the street, he's finding support from store windows, fire hydrants and street signs as he makes his way very slowly, sluggishly down the street, it takes him a few minutes actually. From afar, I didn't recognize him and was actually laughing really hard on the inside. I've never seen someone that clearly intoxicated at eight o'clock before; he can't hold himself up, I'm expecting him to fall. He finally approaches, dressed as a lost eighties band member, okay so I'm being generous with my description he looked more like an eighties hustler. This is when I realize it's him and I’m horrified.

I try talking to him. He's slurring so badly, I think he might have been poisoned. He looks like some strange blob from a movie; I smell liquor on his breath and understand. At this point the date is off. I want to get rid of him, yet he won't go away. "You have to go home. Sleep it off." He finally agrees to get into a cab; he's draped on me like a wounded soldier. This is when I find out one of two things. A) he never brought his wallet with him; B) he lost his wallet on the stumble over. I actually pay the cab driver ten bucks to take him the few blocks home. I never see or hear from him again.

Two years later I run into the boy, in a bar (how shocking) yet he's got a partner and is living with someone. I shrug.

Comments

[Rob]

Wow. What an experience - nothing compares to that disaster. And trust me I have had my share of dating disasters. It is always amazing to me that people like that always end up with someone somewhere.