I wonder how much of the need to have a relationship; is also the need for protection. That idea can explain a lot. Not only by my previous choices in men but their choice of me; it can also ... probably explain my recent and on going change of type.
I remember a long time ago. I had a friend that would only date older men. He wasn't the prettiest guy. He was twenty five and was already balding. He consistently dated men from ages forty five to sixty. I never judged why. He seemed to genuinely like them. He fell in love a few times during our friendship. Always for someone wealthy and without looks. Someone that always had a powerful position but didn't really care for him. He even moved in with a guy that gave him a stipend. Actually gave him a weekly allowance.
I found this all to be quite odd. I couldn't understand his choices till now. The need for protection is a quintessential human need. I've always been torn with it. Choosing men that have often needed me to protect them. When they found, that I too had very real vulnerability they were turned off. I haven’t understood this until now.
So meeting both needs, the yin and yang of protection. I didn't understand how important this need is. I love strong arms wrapped around me. I also like to wrap my arms around someone while they're sleeping, feeling a strong pulse beating. Maybe this is the subconscious need. The physical part of me that must meld and come together.
So the unity of self is so vital, the unity to find protection, to provide protection and to self sustain ourselves. Yes I know I’ve been waxing poetic, I guess it’s the season, even though it’s not that cold out I’ve been spending a lot of time indoors. God I need spring.
I may be strange in this aspect, but I think this protection thing is the one aspect of me where my inner bisexuality is expressed at it's best: I love to be hugged and carressed by big, manly arms, by a man I know I can trust, but I can't see myself giving the same thing, the same feeling of security to a guy, but to a girl. The only males I feel the need to protect are my lil' brothers.
Btw, I didn't knew you posted again. That was one LONG hiatus.
Posted by: Kiks | February 23, 2006 at 05:04 PM
for some people just having a secure relationship provides enough protection?
Posted by: marc | February 24, 2006 at 07:53 PM