I told my mother, I got fired. She got mad at me, like I expected. Yet I didn’t expect the reason: she told me blatantly “you can’t conform, it’s not a good thing”.
I grant it … often I have my own drummer and theme song. I'm happiest when I make and play by my own rules. I'm happiest when I don't have to worry about eating bread and drinking coffee. After all I'm glad when I'm not being screamed at. Often the corporate world asks us to be quiet and not speak up. To understand how we can appease our boss, it doesn’t matter weather the boss is right or wrong. Just that they’re happy.
I on the other hand, am soft spoken, yet have a strong voice. What makes me such a good writer does not make me the most stalwart employee. I've sort of giving up trying to please everyone in my life.
Yet being accused of being unconventional, in a bad way; that’s new too me. I wonder how much of our individuality I've given up and am just regaining. How does a person balance everything out?
I just talked to someone about my novel. They summed it up for me, in a beautiful way. It's about finding my place in the world.
Not all of us are meant to be all things. That makes life beautiful. It also makes life scary. I've also realized that I need to find a partner that can put up with my eccentricity. To be unafraid of uniqueness.
For the longest time, I've denied a lot of myself, to myself. For a long time I found it hard to smile; people used to encourage me to smile all the time. Now I find it easy and do it unconsciously. I've changed much; I know it in my heart. I’m starting to be proud of my inability to conform. Now I smile broadly a little less afraid of rejection.
i read that a definition of intelligence agreed upon in psychological circles is "adaptability"; i don't know that i necessarily agree with that.
cool entry
Posted by: marc | February 17, 2006 at 07:28 AM