I often wonder as I see New Yorkers bouncing from one moment to another, pouncing actually and meandering, the people on the streets bustling. As I've shared my frustration about dating with a few people.
When I'm in a bar. I see the same people, hanging on, trying to flirt across the bar. The listless swaggering of the 2am lack of inhibitions. Some bars have more of this than others. Let's just say, yes I do have a point, and my bar hoping has lead to some insight. Inevitably the twink will hook up with the twink or the old man who has made many promises he'll never keep. People generaly talk to people they can quickly read, from the way they dress to the way they walk. Often when I'm alone in a bar, people walk up and are amazed to find out that I like being alone. I don't always want to be surrounded by people I don't know. They often are shocked to find that I'm single. I don't get any of this. I'm also starting to be annoyed by the quick sense of self fullfilment a hook up can provide, both partners.
Everyone is trying to seek Mr. Right and it seems like small deal breakers are the defining moments in the quick snapshot decision we make. I want to take a bit of time and get to know someone. I mean isn't that what dating is about. I want to go on a few dates, not just one quick glance at a bar, letting that decide our fate. I feel that lots of people simply get trapped by the sense of urgency to find the guy that's waiting, that's waiting at the next bar, that's waiting just around the corner. Yes the perfect man is out there and I don't have to work at getting to know someone. Damn it, I want to get to know someone over tea and not just cocktails at a bar.
Let's just say, yes I do have a point, and my bar hoping has lead to some insight.
I don't fit most molds. When I'm bouncing around and acting cute and dumb. People think I look a lot like Ashton Kutcher (my hair is longer then in the snap shot, and I'm not prone to putting gel in it). I also get the frequent question "are you a model, are you an actor, I swear I've seen you on TV." It gets old quickly. This is also an annoyance at my day job at The Restaurant, when guests just blurt out, you must be an actor. I sigh, let my professionalism take over and nod, definitively state "I'm a writer". Funny thing is, the person that they compare me to, Ashton Kutcher is really smart, he used his modeling money to jump start an acting career, manages his money wisely and still manages to look damn cute. So I guess I should be honored, on a tangent I checked him into the Essex House once, I actually pulled him out of line to be the one that checks him in. I was struck by his height, his eyes, his hands, his beauty in general, and his lack of guile. He's much hotter in person then in any of his movies or pictures. He didn't look at all like a bejeweled star and he was very content with the room we gave him. So again, I ponder how quick we are to accept the persona and not delve into the person. The real person.
The funny thing is, the sense of Urgency doesn't seem to be imprinted only on the gay community, it's also part of the straight community. The race to find Mr. Perfect.
im not really into bar hopping and i cant say that i have reallt done it in the past but i completely understand what youre saying. Unfortunately, i've given up on finding Mr.Right. I'm waiting for love to come to me. Who is Mr. Right anyway?
Posted by: clay | February 04, 2006 at 07:43 PM