I've come to realize, that I just don't hook up as much; not like I used to anyway. When I first came to the city, I would conquer at least once a week. If not more often. That was in my youth. My nubile days of careless fun. Yes I survived those days, thank goodness.
Now I just don’t care, I really would, much rather sit in front of the TV and watch Law & Order, or simply read a book, or Blog. There are better things to do in my life now, then chase random boys. Besides, the sex is never good on a one-nighter. I don’t have the sense of urgency that other boys do.
I just sort of shrug. I get into sex more when I’m in a relationship, when I like the person. When I know their last name; or their first name even; when I can remember the name I’m calling out in the night. I guess that’s why that doesn’t happen to often. Calling out a name. I figure on a hook up everyone forgets. One time a friend, called it “refreshing” when his trick reintroduced himself in the morning. I guess, it is “refreshing” yet I can’t help wondering if there’s a better way.
So consequently I’d much rather hook up less then deal with the remembering of names, the avoidance. The games. Yes, I’m an old Jewish lady. For the time being anyway. I’ll go on a beautification program when I get more money, till then. Well I’m entitled.
There's nothing wrong with wanting more than cheap sex. Sex in a relationship is better. The deeper the relationship gets, the more intense the sex. So take comfort in knowing what you want and aim for that.
Posted by: Jess | May 24, 2005 at 01:06 PM
Hey. You conquered once a week in your youth? Really that says that you had a great time back then, were able to get over the emotions of one-nighters or just didn't have those, and now you prefer more long term stuff. I have to say that I have never been ok with the former. Since I came out two years ago when I was 21 going on 22, I have had very few encounters. I am 'cute' but I've always wanted a boyfriend, not sex. But I still haven't found him. I don't quite understand how some people can do sex so often with so many different people. Anyway you seem to be a well-adjusted individual who is happy with life. This may sound like perverse schadenfreude, but you've got it good. Whereas I feel I do to a degree but share your longing for long-term love in a relationship. This is what I crave. Perhaps getting a job and moving out of the parent's house would help me in that. Or maybe I need to conquer to get that?
Posted by: Enda | May 24, 2005 at 01:54 PM
well, sounds interesting. i haven't had any one night stand yet. i think it's not so easy to try even once in china.
hehe.... need to go to shanghai someday.
Posted by: Dancing Breeze | June 04, 2005 at 10:46 PM