Lots of Learning

I've been trying to break some old patterns for a really long time. Its strange how having to scramble makes one most aware of themselves and their own mission in life. I know these are grand thoughts. Yet everyone’s encouraged me to stand up. I’m trying to find a way to recap my Celexa quitting experience because I’ve never had such a body and emotional hijacking before. Where a drug has totally taken over my life, if I had known the drug itself was so so powerful I probably wouldn’t have gone on it in the first place.

I remember having to fill my first prescription. A whilley gray haired pharmacist leaned over the counter, whispering that he had samples he could give me to tide me till the next day. I thought it quite odd that this man sounded like a drug pusher. Looking back I understand that he was just trying to care for me.

I don’t quite know how to explain what happened. I’m still trying to put into words how such a mind numbing traumatic experience could be so life affirming – how having chemical induced thoughts of suicide can be liberating, how the paradox of being free is synonymous with just being trapped.

Ultimately I understand why people stay on anti-depressants for a while. It’s damn hard to get off them. For me, I think it jump started my system. It did much good for me. Though I’m not planning on doing it again.

I sort of wanted to write a post about how to survive Celexa Withdraw because there isn’t much info on the web about it. Ultimately it did pass, the experience like an odd little firestorm dream. It was forgotten a day after, maybe my mind quickly shoveled the thoughts and memories away. I won’t know for a good long time.

All I can say is the words of many that have emailed me. “This too will pass” and it has. My home environment was very important to me. My friends as well, because each moment felt like it would last forever.

The most amazing thing; is that my edge is back. I’ve been putting off my real writing for a while. The more Celxa I took the less I had of a spark. So everything is connected and now that I’ve regained myself and am stronger then ever, I look forward to the future and being the artist I know I can be.

Comments

[Sigma]

The somatic symptoms of SSRI discontinuation consist of disequilibrium (e.g., dizziness, lightheadedness, or vertigo), gastrointestinal symptoms (e.g., nausea or vomiting), flu-like symptoms (e.g., fatigue, lethargy, chills, muscular aches), sensory disturbances (e.g., tingling, paresthesias, burning or electric shock sensations), sleep disturbances (e.g., insomnia, experiencing vivid dreams), headaches, and movement-related symptoms (e.g., tremor, akathisia, parkinsonism; the sensation of dizziness has typically been described by patients as a "swimming," "spaced out," "drunken," or "buzzing" quality, which is exacerbated by movement. Psychological symptoms associated with SSRI discontinuation include lowered mood, anxiety, agitation, irritability, tearfulness or crying spells, and aggressive or impulsive behavior, with less frequent reports of confusion, decreased cognitive performance (e.g., slowed thinking, inattention, or poor memory), and depersonalization

[Mer]

Hi...

I'm researching Celexa withdrawal (I'm desperate to get off of this junk because it's NOT making me feel any better, in fact that awful "flatline" feeling you described so well is getting worse every week) and your blog entries about your experience has been HIGHLY educational.

I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this. I'm glad your days are brighter now. Wish me luck!
Take care,

~Mer

[Alex]

Thank you thank you thank you! I wrote to you a week ago to say how your blog was keeping me together during the horror that was celexa withdrawal. Well, it finally passed, and it took eight days, like you said. On Monday I suddenly got violently ill -- chills, fever, shaking -- but somehow I wasn't terrified of it, and all of a sudden I was able to focus again, and enjoy reading, and lights seemed bright again, and now I feel sort of like I'm a child in a candy store or something. Lights seem bright and sensations feel good and I can actually enjoy music again.

So to everyone out there who is going through withdrawal, keep it together. You will survive! This was a gut-wrenching experience but I feel like a new person and I have more drive and motivation than I have had for years.... Maybe the antidepressant effect of antidepressants is how good you feel when you finally get off them ha ha.

[MB]

I was taking 20mg of Celexa for awhile. It decreased my anxiety a lot... oddly enough, I didn't even realize how anxious I was until I started on the Celexa. However, the calmness that I felt was accompanied by a bit of flatness. I didn't completely flatten out and I felt many small moments of happiness, but everything seemed to happen quickly and without leaving much of an emotional impact. I started to miss feeling things fully and decided it was worth dealing with the anxiety in exchange for having more of my personality back. The Celexa was also making me sleep a lot, including random 2-3 hour naps. I'm not much of a napper and sort of enjoyed snuggling up with my dog and resting for awhile, but the amount of time I was doing it was starting to get ridiculous.

Now I've been off the Celexa for several days and I've been having some headaches, but nothing major.

Before this I tried budeprion (generic Wellbutrin) and I absolutely loved it. It did nothing to reduce my anxiety, but I felt focused and motivated. Unfortunately it gave me full body hives. I tried Effexor after that and experienced just about every side effect people report with it. Celexa decreased my negative thought patterns and anxiety, but flattened me out.

At this point I've had enough of experimenting with anti-depressants. I think I'm going to approach my a-motivation, anxiety, and negative thinking the way that I have all of my life: Continuous hard work. Yeah, it's a far slower process than simply popping a pill, but I know that I can continue making progress via optimism and patience. It'll just take a little longer, but at least I'll be me and I won't be dependent on a pill to control my mental habits.

Thank you for your post about your Celexa withdrawal. I hope that it worked out for you and that you can work through being pill-less and somewhat impoverished. Remember that you're wealthy in spirit and you'll always be okay! Best of luck to you always.

[Louis]

I lost my girlfriend because of Celexa. Sure, no more anxiety and panic attack, but no emotions either. Felt like a robot, and she wasn't happy with the boring guy I became. I feel terrible about this

[Squiddie Volk]

Wow...I went through this a few years ago with klonipin. But Celexa? Guess so. I went off of Celexa this summer because we've had such nice dry weather, and I wanted to try and lose a few pounds I've put on in the past few years I've been on it. It's been a week, and I still feel like I'm on an bad carnival ride in my first trimester. No throwing up, just feels like it. I had no idea it could cause withdrawal symptoms. Thank you for posting your experiencees so others can learn from it.
Squiddie